Monday, July 28, 2008

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Riley Martin Upset


Riley Martin came in to promote his show airing on Tuesday nights at midnight on Howard101. Howard noticed Riley was missing a tooth and speculated that he must've lost it as a result of his drinking. Howard said he thought Riley only sees aliens when he's drunk, and Riley responded that whenever he's drunk, he only sees “half-a-billion-dollar Jews.” Riley then repeated his demand for more compensation and accused Robin of smoking crack in order to lose weight. To Riley's surprise, Howard admitted that Riley deserved a raise.

Howard asked Riley about his jail time, and Riley claimed he did 2 and a half years because someone sneaked onto his property and planted “a couple acres” of marijuana. Dominic Barbara called in to say that Riley was also once found with enough marijuana to get all of Newark high. Riley said he was driving to the police precinct to turn in the pot, because he'd found 611lbs of it “planted” in his truck, but he'd ran out of gas and tried to sell a little of it for gas money.
Riley said he never claimed to be the pope and declared he'd been screwed by “white people of Jewish extraction.” Wood-Yi called up to offer Riley a bucket of chicken for a handjob, but Riley asked if Wood-Yi would throw in fries as well. George wondered if Riley had ever thought of parlaying his knowledge into a job at NASA, but Riley responded that he didn't like George W. Bush, leading George (Takei) to speculate that Riley had a “victim mentality” instead of a “do-er mentality.”

Howard welcomed Riley's son, Victor Love, into the studio, and asked him if he'd seen aliens. Victor said he has not been abducted by aliens, but has seen their “ships.” Howard asked why Victor's last name was different than his father’s, and Riley answered that “name changes are sometimes necessary when you're on the run from the Feds.” Victor said he was a former military man, “book author”, and masseuse, revealing that he recently gave a massage to Andrew Dice Clay at the health club he works at in Georgia.

Howard asked Victor if a client had ever asked for a handjob, and Riley became upset, telling Howard to return to “the gutter from which you came.” Howard then brought in Eron, the co-host of Riley's show. Eron admitted that he had the hardest sidekick gig on Howard's channels, and reported that he even has to fetch beers for Riley during their show. Nino, Riley's manager, also came in to say that the sales of Riley Martin-brand “piss jars” have exceeded his expectations.

(The following below is from the 08/22/07 show.)

Howard started the show by playing some clips of Riley Martin complaining about his salary yet again. In one of the clips, Riley called Tim Sabean a “waterpig” and said Mel Karmazin was purposefully withholding his check. Riley also claimed that Howard, “the golden Jew suckaluffagus,” was trying to aggravate him. Howard said they did send Riley a check, but an error in the space-time continuum sent it back to 1954.

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